I am SO excited to officially announce that I get to spend a whole week in July with this awesome family!
During the third week of July, I am blessed to be joining this family at Victory Lane Camp. Victory Lane Camp is a camp in Indiana especially for children with disabilities and their families! It is a Christian Camp that helps give families and members of their communities valuable training to empower the children and the family members. My role will be an extra set of hands for Tom and Angela as well as a partner in crime for the boys ;). There are special sessions just for them as parents and I will be able to hang out with the boys while they are in the sessions as well as helping however I can throughout the week. (Maybe even let them have a date night during the week ;) )
I am so excited for this opportunity to get to know the Humphrey family better as well as just love on them for the week. But, in order to get there, I need to raise about $200 more dollars!
This is the link to their website http://victorylanecamp.org/...if you would like help get me to camp, you can just click the big "DONATE" and be sure to put my name in the subject line. (the link is through paypal, so if you do not have a paypal account.. you can always give me the check/cash and I can send it along to them.)
Thank you so much for helping invest in my life so I can then invest in the Humphrey Family! I will be sure to have lots and lots of pictures and videos from our week at camp!
In case you don't know about this crazy fun family, here is the info Angela provided for the camp bio:
["After 28 years of marriage and as our 2 biological children were flying from the nest, we began praying in earnest about what God had next for us. On our 3rd mission trip, we believe God answered those prayers when we met Ian on a visit to the Robin’s Nest Children’s Home in Jamaica. Despite having Cerebral Palsy, being non-verbal and non-ambulatory, Ian was a delightful 8 year old boy. He communicated quite well with eye gaze, expressions and gestures. God led us to begin the adoption process and 16 months later, we brought him home. Two years after adopting Ian, we again felt God leading us toward another adoption, this time through our local DCS. Jeremy and Lucas (ages 9 and 6) were in foster care and needed a forever home. They began visiting on weekends in March, 2011 and their adoption was final in August. Due to past trauma, neglect and abuse in their lives, Jeremy and Lucas have many challenges to overcome. God is using all our boys to grow us in ways we never would have imagined. Because of each of the boys’ unique and special needs, it has been difficult to find activities that we can all do as a family. A friend sent us a link to Victory Lane Camp and our interest was piqued when we realized that there were appropriate activities for all the boys but mostly the Christ-centered resources for the entire family."]
I still struggle so when things don't go the way I want. You would think that after countless times of God proving that His way is better, I would've learned. BUT no. I still fight back. I still desire my plan to be acknowledged and put into action.
That's how I feel about these last few months. If it was my plan, we would have a treatment for mom and she would be on the road to getting better. She was supposed to be done with treatment by July and then I would feel comfortable moving to Florida after that. BUT that wasn't God's plan. Now we are completely clueless as to a next step and totally unsure what the next few days look like let alone the next few weeks.
I also wish that I could have my plan when it came to support raising to work for Pioneers. I had the "perfect plan" in place. I sent out the first group of my support letters and then a week or two later I would start following up and calling my friends and family and sharing the vision behind what I will be doing with Pioneers. BUT once again, that was not God's plan. Less than a week after I sent out my support letters, my mom was in the hospital for over two weeks. Then as soon as she got out, I had to study for my nursing boards (WHICH I PASSED!!!!!). But that means that it has been over a month since I sent out my support letters and I am JUST now SLOWLY starting to follow up with families.
This is definitely not how I would've planned to do things. HOWEVER, I have seen time and time again that when I submit myself to God's plan instead of my own, it works out SO much better. When I step back and allow Him to work, He gets so much more glory and it works out best for me.
Oh, when will I learn? To just step back and let Him take control from the beginning.
May God get the glory and be shown completely through these next few weeks.
Would you pray for me in this time of support raising? It can be incredibly challenging to humble yourself enough to ask your family and friends to partner with you and support you. But I know that this is the road that God has me on and I cannot wait to see where He leads.
Today we cried.
The weight of moms illness is finally becoming a reality to us.
It is real that the doctors don't know what to do next and we are at a loss as well.
BUT it is also real that all these earthly doctors do not know ANYTHING compared to our Great Physician in Heaven.
He has this under control.
He knows.
He can heal her if He wants.
And if not,
He will still get the Glory.
Praise God!! That is what we will do FOREVER!
This is the text copy of an email my dad sent to our support system this morning.
Dear Ones - We met with the oncologist yesterday; Despite the fact that Carol is feeling better - the news from the scan was not good. The cancer even with the one chemo treatment is not retreating in fact some of the lymph nodes increased in size. This is just baffling to all the medical minds that are working together for us. This puts Carol in stage IV lymphoma.
Our next stop is Mayo Clinic in Rochester, MN. We have an appointment on May 27, 2014.
Due to medical travel restrictions it will take us about 3-4 days to get there and they do not recommend flying due to cabin pressure changes and the edema in Carol's legs. So we will have a great time - doing some tourist type things along the way :). I will miss graduation :(.
- Please be praying for
The medical staff as they compile all the records - we have to hand carry them to Mayo Safe travel and a time of refreshment as we spend time together on our journey to MN.
We praise God that our sorrow my last through the night BUT Joy comes in the MORNING!
"Come what may, I will follow you. Your gospel peace will see me through. On Sovereign Grace I will depend, to the end." -Abraham Cremeens
We are so thankful for our support system and we are praying to the God of miracles for a miracle for mom! :)
For You created my inmost being, you knit me together in my mothers womb. I praise You because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful. I know that full well. Psalm 139: 13-14
The last few months, I have been thinking about this concept a lot. That we are all made in God's image and made perfectly because we were made by our perfect creator. If sin had not entered the world, we would all truly be perfect. There wouldn't be any sickness or crying or suffering or death. But, because of the fall and sin there is. Because we listened to the tempter and deceiver instead of our Savior, sin entered the world. And with sin came heartache, and death. BUT GOD, sent His son to redeem us from fear and sorrow of death. (For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life. -Romans 6:23) Through His son, we can have eternal life. What an incredible promise, that if we confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness!! (1 John 1:9)
Now, back to my first point, that we were all created perfectly in the image of our creator. (Genesis 1:27) God did not make a mistake when he created my mom knowing she would have lymphoma. He did not take a nap when he created me with my autoimmune disease and osteoarthritis. He knit me together in my mother's womb. He created me fearfully and wonderfully. He did not make a mistake, he did not mess up. He created us each with our unique "problems" and hardships, but they aren't mistakes. He created me this way and He created my mom this way so that He would get the ultimate amount of glory and praise on this earth. I wouldn't want anything less!!! What a blessing it is to know that I was uniquely thought of and perfectly made. You are too! We were all knit together PERFECTLY in our mother's wombs. God does not make mistakes.
So when you are discouraged or feeling anything less than perfectly made, remember that you are FEARFULLY and WONDERFULLY made. God made you with a purpose and HE will get the GLORY from your life. I love reciting this back to myself when I am sitting with mom watching her suffer through some nasty illness. That God loves her and He created her exactly how He needed her to be. I also relate this to some of the children I have the privilege of working with. God created them PERFECT. He loves them just the way they are and He created them in HIS image. It helps me to love them unconditionally when I know that I see my Savior in their eyes. He is getting so MUCH glory through their lives and that is an awesome awesome thing.
This is not always an easy thing for me to remember, especially when I have flare ups with my Crohns disease or I watch my mom sick in a hospital bed. However, I know that James says to "Count it all joy brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." (James 1:2-3)
What a beautiful day it will be in HEAVEN when we can enjoy the GLORY of the Lord with NO MORE pain, heartache, sickness, cancer, fear, or death. But until then, we will endure and we will rest on the promises of our Savior.
I praise my God today that because of Him we know these promises to be true:
you are loved.
you are unique.
you are beautiful.
you are needed.
you are worthy.
you are made for so much more.
you are WONDERFULLY MADE.
[Not only is all your affliction momentary, not only is all your affliction light in comparison to eternity and the glory there. But all of it is totally meaningful. Every millisecond of your pain, from the fallen nature or fallen man, every millisecond of your misery in the path of obedience is producing a peculiar glory you will get because of that.
I don’t care if it was cancer or criticism. I don’t care if it was slander or sickness. It wasn’t meaningless. It’s doing something! It’s not meaningless. Of course you can’t see what it’s doing. Don’t look to what is seen.
When your mom dies, when your kid dies, when you’ve got cancer at 40, when a car careens into the sidewalk and takes her out, don’t say, “That’s meaningless!” It’s not. It’s working for you an eternal weight of glory.
Therefore, therefore, do not lose heart. But take these truths and day by day focus on them. Preach them to yourself every morning. Get alone with God and preach his word into your mind until your heart sings with confidence that you are new and cared for.- John Piper Do Not Lose Heart]
Last Tuesday, April 8, I took mom to an appt with her oncologist. She was one week out of her first chemo treatment and not feeling very well, but we thought that was typical chemo illness. However, her oncologist said we needed to see her kidney doctor to be sure that everything was running smoothly since she was retaining a lot of fluid. By God's providence, her kidney doctor was able to see her an hour later and we got some blood work done. They sent us home after the blood work saying they would call with the results, a few hours later, I got a call from them saying that I needed to get mom to the hospital because her creatinine was 4.1 (normal is 0.7-1.2) and they needed to get that under control right away. (A creatinine of 4.1 is technically considered kidney failure) At this point, we were in shock and didn't know what exactly was happening.
The doctor explained that it was hard for them to know the exact reasoning for her failing kidneys. One explanation could be a problem called tumor lysis syndrome where essentially too many cancer cells were killed from the chemo, that the kidneys get overloaded with toxins and dead cells and they stop working because the can't handle it. If her condition was caused from this, IV fluids would help and potential short term dialysis could be needed. However, the other explanation that they were considering was that this was caused by her light chain deposition disease ( a very very rare disease that can attack organs and cause failure). If that was the case, then the damage is irreversible and she could be on permanent dialysis.
Unfortunately, without doing a kidney biopsy, there is no way for them to know which of these caused this sudden kidney failure.
So, her doctor decided to start her on fluids and see how her body would respond. The first night, she went from 4.1 to 3.8, which was a good start. The night after, it went down to 3.4. Because of this, her doctor said we could put off dialysis longer, but the numbers needed to get below 3 soon. The next day they went down to 3.1 but then after that went back up to 3.4.
And that is where we are at today. Because her numbers did not get below 3 and it has been over a week, her doctor is afraid she has plateaued and he is fairly sure that her light chain disease has caused the problem. Because of this, he has advised that we start dialysis soon. There are a few tests that they need to run before they start but then they are going to get her on it as soon as they can. In the short term, it really will help her to feel better and filter out the toxins and extra fluid that have been hanging out in her body since she started the chemo. However, there is still a lot of unknown in this because it is unsure whether she will ever come off the dialysis once she starts.
(*of course, there is a lot more medically going on than just these numbers and this little I have shared but for those who do not understand the medical jargon, I thought this was the easiest way to explain what we know right now...if you'd like to know more, feel free to message me and I can try to explain it better! :)) )
We had a good talk as a family though and we know that God is in control. This is no surprise to Him. We want whatever is best for mom and keeps her feeling the best she can. We are excited to one day be able to see the "big picture", we trust that the Lord has a reason for this time of suffering, and we are excited for Him to get the glory through all of this. We are thankful for the incredible nurses and doctors that we have and we are ready to learn this new "normal" that our life will be.
Thank you to everyone who has prayed for mom and our family. We also wanted to thank everyone that has tangibly showed us love whether by visiting mom, flowers, food, rides, etc etc. We feel so so loved and couldn't ask for a better support system.
It seems like this will be a long journey so please continue to keep us in your prayers. Praise God that He has worked it out so that most of us are home to help and it is almost summer so my dad will have time off to be able to spend more time with mom.
Finally, I wanted to share the words to one of mom's favorite songs these last few months. We listened and sang this together the night before she started chemo. We sang this together as a worship to the Lord and I know it plays in her heart everyday.
I come, God, I come I return to the Lord The one who’s broken The one who’s torn me apart You strike down to bind me up You say you do it all in love That I might know you in your suffering
Though you slay me Yet I will praise you Though you take from me I will bless your name Though you ruin me Still I will worship Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
My heart and flesh may fail The earth below give way But with my eyes, with my eyes I’ll see the Lord Lifted high on that day Behold, the Lamb that was slain And I’ll know every tear was worth it all
Though you slay me Yet I will praise you Though you take from me I will bless your name Though you ruin me Still I will worship Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
Though tonight I’m crying out Let this cup pass from me now You’re still more than I need You’re enough for me You’re enough for me
Though you slay me Yet I will praise you Though you take from me I will bless your name Though you ruin me Still I will worship Sing a song to the one who’s all I need Sing a song to the one who’s all I need
I wanted to be sure to update everyone on the new developments in my mom's cancer story.
Last year, my mom was diagnosed with Lymphoplasmacytic Lymphoma with light chain deposition disease. Those are really long words for a slow moving cancer of the blood. It is a very rare cancer and because it is slow moving, it is not an emergent situation but we need to get it taken care of before it attacks her organs. Essentially what is happening is that her body is producing too much protein and that is clogging up her organs reducing their ability to function correctly. After her first round of treatment last year (a very non toxic medication), a few of the infected lymph nodes decreased in size but generally the nodes stayed the same instead of getting better. Also, the protein production did not decrease.
Because of this, they have decided to do four months of actual chemotherapy to try to get rid of the rogue protein. If this round of chemo works, she should months, even years of relief from the rogue protein as well as her lymph nodes should reduce in size. Because this is cancer, this treatment is not a cure, however, it could give us a lot of time before we have to think about this again.
Obviously we wish that we didn't have to go through the next four months of chemo. But, we are so thankful that there is a lot of hope at the end of this valley we will be in. We have hope because we know this is not a surprise to God and He has a plan in all of this. It WILL be for our good and His glory no matter what and I am so thankful for that!
I have been reading in the Old Testament the last few months and God so perfectly worked out for me to read Deuteronomy and Joshua the last few weeks. The Lord chose Joshua to be the leader of Israel and to lead them in to the Promised Land. Before Moses died, he summoned Joshua and said to him, "BE STRONG AND COURAGEOUS, for you shall go with this people into the land that the Lord has sworn to their fathers to give them, and you shall put them in possession of it. IT IS THE LORD WHO GOES BEFORE YOU. He will be with you; HE WILL NOT LEAVE YOU OR FORSAKE YOU. Do NOT fear or be dismayed." (Deut. 31:7-8)
The minute I read these words, I knew I was supposed to read them for these next few months that we are going to be enduring as a family. We will continue to follow the Lord and we will be strong and courageous and He will be with us. He has promised that He has gone before us. He has conquered the grave through His Son and He will conquer the devil one day. I cannot wait for that day, but until then, we will remain faithful and we will cling to Him. I am so thankful for these promises and will cling to them in the weeks to come.
Please be praying that God will get the glory through this time and He will shine through our family. Pray for strength for my mom. We are thankful that when we are weak, then He is strong. She will need to rest in His strength these next few months. (How lucky she is to be able to cling to the strength of the Creator of the world in such a practical way these next few months!!)
Thank you for your support of my mom and our family. We are so blessed to have such an incredible support base and we don't take any of you for granted.
Oh how I love living my life in service to my Savior. He never ceases to amaze me. The past few months He has been leading me on a journey that I never expected but I am so excited about.
After alot of prayer and phone calls and emails, I am so thrilled to announce that I have accepted a job to work as a recruitment coordinator for a mission agency called Pioneers.
Pioneers' mission is to mobilize teams to glorify God among unreached peoples by initiating church-planting movements in partnership with local churches.
They are "an evangelical mission movement with 2,593 international members serving on 248 church-planting teams in 95 countries among 180 people groups in 100 languages.
For more than 35 years, Pioneers' passion has been to see God glorified among those who are physically and spiritually isolated from the gospel of Jesus Christ—from Muslim bedouins in the deserts of North Africa and animist villagers in the jungles of South America to secular humanists in Eastern Europe and middle-class Buddhist urbanites in the sprawling cities of East Asia."*
I feel extremely humbled that the Lord would allow me to be a part of a team whose goal is to facilitate workers to reach the ripe harvest around the world.
I know that there will be a lot of questions so I have tried to think of a few to help clarify as best I can.
1. What exactly will you be doing as a "recruitment coordinator"?
The main part of my job is connecting with people who are eager to be involved in missions and help them to not only recognize their role in reaching the nations but then to facilitate them following through with that.
2. Since it is a faith based organization, how is your job funded?
I will have to raise 100% of my support for this position. As daunting as this may seem, I am excited to offer my friends and family the opportunity to partner with me in bring God's name to the nations.
3. Where is the job located?
As much as I wish the job allowed me to stay in Lafayette. I will be moving to Orlando, Fl to join the mobilization team at Pioneers home office.
4. What about your nursing degree?
For the time being, I will not be using my nursing skills. I pray that the Lord will use this as a time to heal and prepare to potentially be healthy enough to go overseas and use my nursing as a avenue to share the gospel. However, there is a potential that I will be able to use my nursing knowledge to help facilitate medical missions overseas.
5. When will you be moving?
As soon as I am 100% funded and I pass my Nursing Boards I will move South. :) I am hoping to be fully funded by August 1. But that is a goal date and by no means a permanent date.
6. How can I be praying for you and/or what can I do to help in this time?
I need PRAYER. I need the body of Christ to remember me in prayer as I raise support and transition to life away from home. I also will be needing supporters, emotionally and financially. In the weeks to come I will have more information as to specific prayer requests and specific financial needs.
Thank you so much for your love and prayers for my life. I am really excited about this new opportunity that the Lord has literally laid in my lap and I look forward to seeing how He will continue to guide and lead me in the months to come.
I cannot believe that after four and a half years of school, I am two days away from GRADUATION!! It has been quite the ride full of ups and downs but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I have met some of the greatest people in my time at nursing school. I was blessed to spend everyday for three full years with some of the coolest and most interesting girls (and a few boys) on the planet. I have learned so much from them and am starting to get a little upset that we won't get to see each other everyday from here on out. I love them all to death and wish the best for each and every one of them! The world of healthcare is lucky to have these 90+ graduates.
Our first picture together as a nursing class!
We were very productive students that first semester!
These girls were with me EVERY step of the way!
Clinical group our second semester! Love these girls!
Having fun in the Sim Lab Leigh?!
Such awesome friendships were formed through these years!
My LAST clinical group!
Ugh, I don't know what I'm going to do without these FOUR!
Our last week together as a nursing class!
I am beyond blessed and SO thankful to see what the future holds for ALL of us! Congratulations IU School of Nursing Class of December 2013! :))
Sometimes the Lord does things that we don't understand.
Too many times in the last few years, I have written out a plan for how I want my life to go. I have categorized it, and alphabetized it and planned down to the minute. Then I take the liberty of "delivering" it to God and hoping that He will take it into consideration.
None of the plans I have for myself are bad. They are actually really great. Full of adventure and serving the Lord, but that doesn't mean that that is what He desires for me to do with my life.
I read the following quote a few years ago on a blog of a woman that I aspire to be. I had no idea how much this quote would mean to me now as I am nearing the end of college and the beginning of "real life."
"Turns out, God rarely asks us to give up our dreams. He’s usually the one who gave them to us in the first place, so his plan is to use them. He just asks us to give up the limits and expectations and unnecessary timelines we add to our dreams. And he asks us to be brave enough to ask him for them, even after we might feel like they have died. Sometimes he says wait, sometimes he says ask for something bigger, and sometimes he says just do the next right thing." -Mandie Joy
Whatever he says, his plan is so much better than mine.
The Lord did not ask me to give up my dreams when I realized I could no longer serve in Africa. He just shifted that dream a little. I know that one day I will still be able to love on children in need. I will be able to offer them a safe and loving home where the Bible is taught and God's grace and love are shown. I will be able to feed and clothe them and give them the attention they need and deserve. That is my passion and my greatest desire. [More to come on this at a later time...]
It will be a fun adventure to see how the Lord will continue to change my dreams and plans and make them more like Him.
Now an update on my mom...
She is doing really well! She has completed her four rounds of "chemo" [it is technically chemotherapy but it is the kindest version of it...for that we are so thankful!] She will continue to be monitored and in about a year they will know for sure how well it worked and what the next steps will be.
We are so blessed and have clearly seen God works through hard times and changes us always to be more like Him. We have grown as a family and in God's love and peace. For that, we are thankful. Just so so thankful.
At the beginning of the summer, my mother and I started a new kind of trust journey together. Mine took the form of Crohn's disease. While my mom's was in the form of what we thought was cancer.
Since February, mom has been having some kidney problems along with a few other symptoms. After a lot of tests and some difficult appointments, her doctor suggested that we go see an oncologist about potential multiple myeloma.
Multiple myeloma is a very rare cancer of the bone marrow and causes destruction of the bones and sometimes other organs. Based on the pathology, they thought for a while that mom had multiple myeloma. Of course, after hearing this, initially we were in a state of shock. In the past few months, mom has been feeling better than ever. She is on lasix and that has helped alot of her swelling go down and makes her feel alot better.
After our day or so of shock, we decided to go about this and make sure that God was glorified in our actions and attitudes. Mom did incredible. In everything, we did our best to look to the Lord and trust that He is in control. We learned to "extend grace" to all the nurses and doctors and to show God's love at all the appointments. When this journey started, Mom made a journal of all the cards, quotes, and verses she received from her friends. It is an incredible book and so encouraging to look through. Even though we didn't understand what God was doing or why this was happening, we knew God had us in His arms.
Fast forward to this morning. Mom had a big appointment with the multiple myeloma specialist in Indianapolis. We hoped to understand the exact diagnosis and prognosis at the end of the appointment. We figured he would say it was for sure cancer and extensive treatment.
BUT GOD.
At this point, it is NOT multiple myeloma!! Mom has been diagnosed with Light Chain Deposition Disease. That is a long name for a disease that causes her body to make too much of a specific protein. This protein is very sticky so when it gets in the bloodstream and is filtered by the kidneys, it clogs up the kidneys and causes decreased functioning. That is why her kidneys have been problematic recently. They have luckily, found this very early and should be able to treat it with 4 rounds of intensive medicine. They hope she could be in remission for a long while.
After today, we are completely SPEECHLESS. We honestly went into today with the worst in mind and we were ready for it. We are still prepared for other complications that may come about because of this disease. But for now, we are just so THANKFUL. God has been so good to us. We see Him so clearly in His grace for Mom and our whole family.
I want to say thank you for everyone who has been praying for us through this time. It has not been easy but we most definitely know and love our Savior more today than we did at the beginning of the summer. We also are so aware of taking every opportunity to show God's love and share Him with those around us, because life is short.
NOW FOR THE OTHER FUN ANNOUNCEMENT!!!
Emery is going to be a BIG SISTER and I'm going to be an AUNT AGAIN!! Beyond excited for my sister and brother in-law.
I'd say all in all its been an incredible day.
God is good.
ALL the time.
The night before I left for Ghana I was so afraid. I remember sitting in the room after our last orientation session and just bawling my eyes out. My emotions were completely jumbled. I was so excited to go back to Africa. I knew that I left part of my heart there the first time and I needed to go back. However, a part of me was petrified about going. I was so afraid that I would love it so much that I would know that God wanted me to be there forever. And at the time, I didn't want to obey God in that way. I loved my family too much. I loved my friends too much. I loved the comfortable life that I had in America too much. I didn't want to surrender my comfortable life over to God. And I think sitting in that chair that night, I knew that I would have to. That was the moment that I knew that my life was not my own anymore. I knew that God had greater plans for me than anything I could imagine. That night, I opened my hands and I let go of control of my life.
As soon as I was back on African soil, I knew without a doubt that that was where I needed to be. It was so right. I needed to be with those kids. I needed to be loving on them and sharing the gospel with them. I needed to be helping the mothers deliver their new babies and educating them to keep them healthy. I needed to be traveling to villages and sharing the name of Jesus.
After that night, It was easy to say "yes" to God's direction in my life. It wasn't that I loved my family and friends any less (if anything I appreciated them more) or that I hated my life in America. It was just now I knew that there was a need that with the Lord's help, I could fulfill. I knew that the gospel needed to be spread to the ends of the earth and I wanted to do my part in fulfilling that.
When I came home from Ghana last summer, I was so set in this new path that I thought the Lord had laid out for me. I was ready to follow the Lord wherever He desired for me to be as long as it was overseas serving Him. (funny how your heart can change so quickly!)
Then the Lord threw another curveball at me that I was not expecting. I was diagnosed with Crohn's disease. At first, I didn't think this would change anything. I was determined that even with symptoms and getting sick, I would still follow the Lord to whatever adventure He had planned for me. Then I was told I had to take Humira. Because it suppresses my immune system, while I am on it, I cannot go overseas. Period. And just like that, I felt like I was back at square one.
It was relatively easy for me to say "yes" to God about going overseas. But now that for the time being, I am staying in America. I just want to fight Him. I want to be that stubborn girl who says that no matter what, I will go overseas. I want to fight Him because I don't think He's right. I willingly opened my hand and gave Him my life...so why won't He allow me to live the way I now want?! I just want to cry now because I don't think He knows what He's doing and I can't understand.
But wasn't that His whole purpose in the beginning?! When He created me, It wasn't so that I would come to the realization that I should serve Him overseas and that was it. It was so that I would hand my life over to Him NO MATTER WHAT. Whether trials, persecution, sickness, health, prosperity, poverty, sadness, pain, laughter, or peace, I would be in His hands, in His control.
Even though, it was easier for me to say "yes" to Him when I thought I would be serving Him back where my heart belongs. I know now that it is just as important to truly say "yes" to Him now. To trust Him that He knows me. He knows what I love and how I excel and He will put the perfect opportunities and ministries in my path here so that I can serve Him well.
So that is where I am at. I haven't quite figured it out. I definitely don't understand. My heart is still a little broken, BUT I KNOW THAT MY GOD wants the best for me. I know that He knows the desires of my heart and He will align them with His.
I am learning to desire the advancement of His glory and His name before everything else. Whether in America or overseas.
Father, I am clay in your hands. Mold me, make me more like You.
These are just a few of the beautiful faces that I cannot go a day without thinking about.
I pray for them often.
I pray that they are being fed.
I pray that they are able to continue school.
I pray that they have clothes to wear to school.
I pray that they get new shoes for the school year when theirs get to small.
I pray that they get a hug from someone they love every day.
I pray that they know how beautiful they are.
I pray that they have someone to comfort them when they cry.
I pray that they get medicine if they get sick.
I pray that they sleep under their mosquito nets so they won't get malaria.
I pray that they never lose their infectious smiles or laughs.
I pray that they know that their auntie on the other side of the world loves them more than anything.
Most of all, I pray that they know the love of their Savior. I pray that someone will take the time to invest in them and teach them about Jesus. I pray that they will understand and come to know the love that can only come from Jesus.
At this point, I don't know what the Lord is going to do with my life. But I DO know this. That I love these kids and the thousands like them that are yearning for the love of the Lord. I pray that I will have the ability to show them personally the love of Christ.
But until then, I will be faithful. I will be faithful in this next step that the Lord has for me. I will glory in my Redeemer and pray for the day that my heart will be complete again with my kids.
The Lord works in incredibly mysterious ways! I am still learning to trust Him in every step and believe that He is in control and knows what He is doing.
My life has totally changed in the last two months in ways I never expected. I never thought that I would have a chronic disease that has no cure. I did not expect to have to be on a medicine that could potentially do me more harm than good. And I definitely did not expect to be limited in the career that I feel so called to. However, just because I didn't expect it doesn't mean that it is not exactly what the Lord has planned for me. It doesn't mean that I was created any less in the image of my Savior than anyone else. It just means that I have a greater platform to declare God's love and goodness. I have the ability to show everyday with my life how great my God is and how heals and SO loves!
Crohn's disease is an autoimmune disease that affects anywhere in your digestive tract. Essentially my immune system is for some unknown reason, attacking my large and small intestine. It has caused me to have times where I get very sick (flu like symptoms) for days at a time. Because of this, I had to start on an immunosuppresant medication this past week. On Monday, I had my first dose of Humira (you've probably seen the commercial). It is an injection that I will give myself every other week. I am thankful that the Crohn's will be under control because of this medication. However, because it is an immunosuppressant, my immune system will be essentially obsolete. I will have to be very careful in my interactions with anyone who is sick. Which as you can imagine, is not ideal for a final semester nursing student.
I am slowly trying to understand what implications this new diagnosis and medication will have on my life. At this point, the doctor wants me to be on the medication for the foreseeable future. I am clueless as to how that will be compatible with what I believe the Lord is calling me to in my life. However, my life is not up to me to pilot. So, I am trusting my Savior. He has great plans for me and I know that He will see me through.
I am so thankful to be able to live this life for His glory. I will continue to live day by day and give Him the praise.
"When God calls a man, He will be with him in that work and he will succeed no matter what the obstacles may be." D.L. Moody
"It is what anchors our roots deep in heaven and allows us to live beyond our circumstances on earth." * Beyond the mountains that seem too tall to scale. Beyond the oceans that seem too wide to cross. Beyond the situations that we can't quite understand. Joy is the way that we can look all of these obstacles in the face and see God's goodness and His unfailing love in the face of it.
God is so good. There is no doubt in my mind. I have seen it time and time again. I will never stop saying that. However, I get tripped up in the waiting time of a difficult situation and seeing how He will turn it into a beautiful display of His goodness.
Sometimes I don't see it right away. Sometimes I really doubt. Sometimes I struggle. I know for a fact that He is good and I can see it, but every once in a while there is a disconnect from my heart to my head.
That is when I run to joy. I run to thanksgiving. I look to the good in the situation. I look to my Savior. I run to His arms and trust that He is in control. That He will carry me up the mountain that is standing right in front of me. That He will part the ocean that is too wide to fathom crossing.
He loves me so. He cares for me. He is good. I look to Him. I rely on Him. I fall in His arms. He embraces me and carries me the whole way.
Even in the unknown, I am sure that He will never leave me or forsake me. What an incredible promise that I can cling fast to!
The past few months I have seen the faithfulness of God shine in my life more than I ever have. About a month ago, I had a few tests done because I had been having sick spells fairly frequently and we wanted to make sure everything was fine. However, the tests didn't turn out as normal as we had hoped. We just got confirmation that I have been diagnosed with Crohn's disease.
Crohn's disease is an autoimmune disease, which means that my body is attacking itself. Unfortunately, doctor's do not know very much about Crohn's disease. They don't know what exactly causes it, and they don't at this point in time have a cure. All we do know is that where my small intestine meets my large intestine is very inflamed and my body is doing it to itself. It was difficult to diagnose because I am a very atypical Crohn's patient. I do not at all fit the mold so the treatment may be different for me. But there are treatment options. I go to my specialist again this coming week and he will work through what is the best option for me.
Although this is by no means ideal, I am so thankful. I am thankful that I am not the typical Crohn's patient. (It can be a completely debilitating disease for those that have it) I am thankful that this is not a surprise to my Savior. No part of this is out of His hands or out of His control. I would never have asked for this disease or the side effects that come from treatment but if it means a chance to rely on my Savior more and truly rest in His control then I will take it.
I asked the Lord for Him to reveal Himself to me. For Him to show me Himself in a greater and more tangible way and He has done that. Not at all in the way that I expected but, I see Him. I know that He is taking care of me and that He will guide and protect me. He is the great healer. If He so desires, I could be healed in an instant but if not; I will enjoy this sweet time I have resting in His care.
I do not know what this disease will mean for my future. Once we are able to get it into remission (with medications of some kind) I should live a normal life. However, we will have to see if that normal life can be away from America, overseas somewhere. Again, I rest that God has it in control and He will guide me. He has been faithful to this point and I know He will not leave me.
Thank you for your continued prayers and support. It seems like this new bend in the road has just begun and I know I will need prayers upon prayers to the miracle worker for this next part of the journey.
"Great is Thy faithfulness," O God my Father,
There is no shadow of turning with Thee;
Thou changest not, Thy compassions, they fail not
As Thou hast been Thou forever wilt be.
"Great is Thy faithfulness!" "Great is Thy faithfulness!"
When I came to college I thought I had my plan figured out.. I was going to be a nurse, get a good job, get married, have kids, have a cute house, probably be involved in church but not really taking an active role in its work etc etc. I was very content with enjoying college, making new friends, and having my relationship with Jesus be something that was on the side and irrelevant to everyday life. However, that all changed the summer after my freshman year when i went on a trip with my church to an orphanage in S. Africa. It was there that i fell in love. I fell in love with the people of Africa. I fell in love with the culture and atmosphere. I fell in love with the struggles and hardship but also the beauty that was all around. it was also there that I fell back in love with my Savior.The faith of the people I was in fellowship with there just blew my mind. The believers that I met had so little and struggled in such great and tangible ways and yet they praised God. Some of them did not have food to put on the table for dinner that night and yet they trusted that God would provide (and let me tell you.. he always did). The children had such a contagious joy and hope for the future that I had rarely seen before. It humbled me so much... I realized that although they had nothing according to our standards, they were so very rich. I realized that in America, I had it all together so i had no need to really trust that God would provide because I could do it for myself. My hardships did not at all compare to what some of these people faced, but still i struggled to praise Him. I realized that i was so easily distracted in the states that my view of God had become so limited and shallow. It was after my view of God changed that I developed a love for sharing about Him to those that were without hope around me. The experiences I had in Africa made my transition back to the place I had once called home very difficult. I came back to America very bitter at materialistic Americans and very discontent to live life and do anything productive here. I just wanted to get back to the kids and get back to serving and ministering to the people that I so loved. The next year, I sought out every opportunity I could, to get back to Africa. However, it seemed that as soon as a door would be opened a crack, The Lord would just shut it in my face. I finally came to my senses and realized that The Lord not only wanted me to live on mission in Africa but that He desired for me to live for Him in America as well. I finally realized that the lost weren't just overseas, they were all around me and they need love and need to know my Savior just as much as those overseas. He desired that i be a missionary to Indianapolis. So, I decided to move back to campus and get involved in a ministry where I could share the love of Jesus and invest in people's lives on campus. Little did I know that God would bring the lost right to my own apartment. I was randomly paired to live with this girl who intellectually knew all the right answers but did not have a personal relationship with Jesus. I, reluctantly at first, was able to spend the next six months investing in her life and loving on her and sharing the gospel with her... Sometimes in a very direct, borderline harsh way ...but by the grace of God, and encouragement and support from other believers in February of last year, Kylie accepted Christ as her Savior. Seeing her life completely transform and seeing God take a hold of her was the greatest gift i could ever been given and it totally changed my perspective of my purpose on this earth. I realized that The Lord desires to use me all the time for His glory and He so wants me enter into the joy that comes from life lived for Him. That joy was multiplied when I was finally given the opportunity to go back to Africa and serve for a the whole summer last summer. I went to Ghana west Africa and was able to not only practice nursing and deliver lots of babies. but I was able to share the gospel with people, some of which had never heard the name of Jesus before. I was able to witness baptisms and discipleship and The Lord really move in people's lives. After that summer, I knew without a doubt that is what The Lord desires for me to do the rest of my life... I do not know what the next few years look like or how exactly The Lord will use me but I do know that whatever it is He will give me great joy in it and He will be glorified as I hand over my life for His Kingdom. I pray that the story of my life will help you see that God has a far greater plan than anything you can dream of for yourself! I wouldn't have dreamed in a million years that my greatest desire would be to go back to a place of no electricity, no running water, and no diet coke! However, I have never had more joy then when I was clearly living in His will. I also hope that you understand that you have a role in Gods mission to reach the world! Not all of us are called to be goers...(maybe more than want to admit it?) but all of us do have a role to play. Maybe you are the pray-er? Maybe you are supposed to be the prayer warrior that does not stop ceasing in prayer for the missionaries advancing the gospel around the world. Maybe you are the sender? Maybe The Lord will bless you with resources one day to give to advance the kingdom? Or maybe you are a goer and God is tapping at the door of your heart and urging you to go and see and serve. Please! Listen! And go! All of you no matter what role the Lord desires you to play... Don't sit around waiting for someone else to go overseas or someone else to talk to your roommate or someone else to share with that girl or boy in your class... You never know.. Maybe that someone else is Thinking the same thing...? We are called by the Father to proclaim his name to the ends of the earth so that one day every knee will bow and tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father.
Romans 10:14-15 "How, then, can they call on the one they have not believed in? And how can they believe in the one of whom they have not heard? And how can they hear without someone preaching to them? And how can anyone preach unless they are sent? As it is written: “How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news!”"
This is something I had written in my journal a while ago but found again a few weeks ago and it was a challenge to me and I hope it will ring true for you as well...
"I want it said of me one day that above all I lived to serve and please my Savior. That I loved with a love that was supernatural and a grace that could only come from the example of my love and Savior Jesus Christ."
"We are dying because of lack of knowledge. We are dying because we are poor. We are dying because no one is hearing our story."
The past month or so, I have been seriously considering becoming a midwife after I graduate nursing school. With nursing, the opportunities after graduation are endless. And since I am graduating soon, I have been prayerfully considering what the Lord desires of me in these next few years. I know that I want to ultimately serve the Lord overseas but I also want to be as prepared as possible to serve Him best.
After praying this way for the past few months, I have felt the Lord clearly leading me toward becoming a midwife. The need is so great. Not just for the physical help but these mothers are not being trained in The Lord. They do not know the loving grace of our Savior therefore, they are not raising their children in the truth of the gospel.
Romans 10:14-15
"How then will they call on him in whom they have not believed? And how are they to believe in him of whom they have not heard? And how are they to hear without someone preaching? And how are they to preach unless they are sent? As it is written, 'how beautiful are the feet of those who preach the good news!'"
This video just gives you a taste of the state of the woman in underdeveloped countries and the absolute need for skilled caregivers and ultimately the gospel.
It is incredible the miracle that a little life is. God has so richly blessed my family! I cannot begin to thank Him for the gift that He has given us in the form of this baby girl. I pray that she will grow to know the Lord and become a godly young women who desires to glorify the Lord with her whole heart! My God be praised in Emery Grace! Her name says it all... Grace.
Too many times I catch myself thinking that the lost are only overseas. I catch myself thinking that the only need is in a third world country or a lost community around the world...but definitely not down the street. Recently, I have been slapped in the face with the reality that people are lost all around me.
This week I met a group of 9-11 year old girls. It has been a while since I have interacted with girls that are not in Awana or Sunday School and I was stunned at their behavior and the reality of their world. As I was talking to these girls, I realized that their topic of conversation and their world revolved around cussing, fighting, kissing, relationships and friends. When I was their age, my biggest concern was what game we would play at recess or what we would eat for lunch. I couldn't believe that already at their young age, they had been exposed to lifestyles that I had no idea existed until I was much older. It breaks my heart for them that they are not exposed to the hope and peace that comes from a life in Christ. I want them to clearly see and know that God is good. I desire for them to have no doubt that they are LOVED and that they are beautiful daughters of the King!
I pray that the Lord will use me to show that to them. I pray that I will be a vessel that shares His love so clearly to the lost right down the road from me. I have to change my outlook on the lost. I have to stop living for the day that I can share His love with the lost around the world. I have to open my eyes to the need around me at this moment. I have to open my heart to the lost and hurting right outside my door. I have to pray for their hearts to be changed so that they may know the love of the Father!
This world is a dark place. People everyday are dying in darkness and despair without having seen the light of the Father. We as followers of God are called to be that light. We are called to be the salt of the earth and a light in this world. "In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father who is in heaven."- Matthew 5:16 We have been sent from the Father to share His love and light with this dark world. While we share our lives with others, it will not be easy. We are promised trials and tribulations. But through this, we have hope and we do not lose heart because we know that our Father has OVERCOME this world. In the end, He will win. He will defeat this darkness and He will get all the glory.
That is the day I am living for. I cannot wait for the day that EVERY knee will bow and EVERY tongue confess that GOD is KING! I cannot wait for the day that children do not have to live in poverty and hunger. That girls are not bombarded with the darkness of the world at such a young age. I cannot wait for the day that was revealed to John in Revelations 21. "And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying, "Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell with them, and they will be his people, and God HIMSELF will be with them as their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain anymore, for the former things have passed away.' And He who was seated on the throne said, 'Behold, I am making ALL things new.'"
Until that day comes, I need to do my best to be faithful in the situation that the Lord has given me. There is an incredible amount of need here in Indy. There are people walking around me everyday that are lost searching for an answer. I have that answer. I know the Savior personally. And I need to share that. This is life or death and I have to start treating it that way. To God be the GLORY forever and ever!!
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